Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
