Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
