i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
