I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
