Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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