just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize