take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
