After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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