There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
