just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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