she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
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