Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
