Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
