I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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