He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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