I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
