Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
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