then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
