You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
