Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
