True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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