sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
