I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
