he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize