No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
