drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
