Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
