I wish my penis had an off switch
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
