Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
