just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
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