do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
