whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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