I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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