My friends, they love my intelligence
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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