ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Acid is not a monday night drug
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
