i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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