he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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