escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
