Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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