Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
