"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
