I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
