I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
