....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
