its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
