you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
