I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
