I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
We just shotgunned beers for America
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
