And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
