my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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