Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
