it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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