Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
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