He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
