A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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