My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
