He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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