I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
