I faked an abortion last night.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
