I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
