I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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