i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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