I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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