I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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