I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
