I'm gonna have a badass scar
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
