I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
