Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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